"what in god's name is a mollusk?"

power, glory, control, and freedom. those are my thoughts right now. and then obtuse things like, "the degenerate sat and drank cheaply vodka, his thoughts directly on balding but more abstractly the depression." it's all so whatevs. .33333333 the way through if...and truly enjoying it. i had to escape to cigarettes and the forceful need to BLUGH. i dunno, i fig're it has to be forced at this point. so misdirected but it's something, right? i wish i could say i felt deformed but that would not be true. it's just it. that movie just has me thinking about all the times boring myself in silence, listening to stories of nationalism. and then i just jump to white people's racism. not like in europe but here in this orphan nation. i mean, look at what the european identity is. black america saved so many white people from the restrictive nature of cultural habits. this is so not thought out. or probably even remotely true but it's so uptight. and dull. and depressed. a people are evil. it all revolves around "iffffff......." and wine. some of this should be quoted because it's not me speaking but others but i don't care if i confuse you and i really doubt that you care either. shrouds.

i went to a free showing on suffragettes which should be stated in an OBVIOUS david bowie reff but you think that's cheap and i don't care. i fell asleep but i was tired and not just bored. but bull durham's lover doesn't exactly have the most engaging of voices especially in the mid-90s. women applauded constantly. to be taken for granted. i continue to find men difficult to engage. or more appropriately unnecessary to do so. most often guarded and pretentious. upholding standards. and i probably do it too. but i can't help but find it boring and therefore find them too difficult to talk to too often. this is NOT me.


it's all just a hidden cigarette that is such a self-lie because of obvious reasons or i'm no carmen sandiago. and i can't stop listening to new order. or drinking. but the alone time has been nice and the reading is good. the blind monkey is sleeping in the ashes, silly goose.

with apologies,
g.od d.amn ward